another moral hangover. fuck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
