Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
