If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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