I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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