I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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