Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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