Can Purell be used as lube?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
