2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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