My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
