He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
