Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
