Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
