I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
