im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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