Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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