No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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