My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
