If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
