That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
