my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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