He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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