I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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