In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
