The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
