i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
