So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
