And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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