wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
