Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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