If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
