i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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