At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
