what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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