hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
