its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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