At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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