tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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