She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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