You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
