lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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