I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize