She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
