I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
