When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
should my penis look like a turkey
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
