the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
