Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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