it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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