Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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