so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
