I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
