I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
