Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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