...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
