I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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