at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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