i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
