we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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