i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i out mim tonsoeep
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
