chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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