She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
