Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
