I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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