she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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