Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
