How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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