So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize