I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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