Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
