I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are we still banned from the library?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
