I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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